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Attendant:
Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air,
sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant:
You're in seat 12B. That will be
$5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant:
For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant:
Nevertheless, we are now
charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the
airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever
heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant:
Sir, do you want a seat on this
flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll
pay. But the airline is going to hear
about this.
Attendant:
Thank you. My goodness, your
carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me
to stow it in the overhead compartment for
you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant:
No problem. Up we go, and
done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant:
The airline now charges a $10
carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand
for it.
Attendant:
Actually, you're right, you
can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten
your seat belt. We're about to push back
from the
gate. But,
first I need that $10.
Passenger: No way!
Attendant:
Sir, if you don't comply, I
will be forced to call the air marshal. And
you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot
me?
Attendant:
No, but there's a $50
air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the
$10. I can't believe this.
Attendant:
Thank you for your cooperation,
sir. Is there anything else I can do for
you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my
overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you
fix it?
Attendant:
Your overhead fan is not broken,
sir. Just insert two quarters into the
overhead coin slot for the first five
minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for
cabin air?
Attendant:
Of course not, sir. Stagnant
cabin air is provided free of charge. It's
the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can
you make change for a dollar?
Attendant:
Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three
quarters for my dollar.
Attendant:
Yes, there's a change
making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All
I have left is a lousy quarter? What the
heck can I do with this?
Attendant:
Hang onto it. You'll
need it
later
for the lavatory. |
